Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I have a problem

Lululemon sponsored a gelato eating contest. To create fat people who will join their fitness club?

The first step to kicking a habit is realizing that you have one.

I know this because I've been reading Irvine Welsh's novel Trainspotting, about a Scottish guy with a heroin addiction. It's a pretty sharp, crass comment on punk society and social standards, etc, etc.

Reading this book made me realize that I too have an addiction.  To ice cream.

I think this obsession came from the insanely hot summer we just had. Since every deadly-humid day topped off at 90ยบ, I stopped wanting to eat anything warm. Hell, I didn't even want to eat solid food. When I'd finish my 7 a.m. run delirious and drenched in sweat, all I wanted to do was lay in a tub of ice. Then I'd yank open the freezer and consume frozen grapes like a vacuum.

Naturally I gravitated toward ice cream as a day-closer. Eating ice cream helped me visualize a time when it wouldn't be a blistering three million degrees in the shade.
Caught in the middle of a violent relapse in Boulder.
During cross country season, the weather finally did cool off. I cut back on my sugary fat consumption a little bit. I'm pretty sure ice cream doesn't necessarily make you faster. And I didn't want to end up like the girl who sits alone on a couch in the student center nomming on a pint of Ben & Jerry's with a plastic spoon.

Now that I'm not in competition mode, I've relaxed on the nutrition a bit. And once finals came in full swing, I bought my own pint of Ben & Jerry's. And then I started slipping myself little bits of ice cream after dinner. And today I ate a whole container of vanilla ice cream while "studying" for an exam.

I've fed my ice cream addiction like you'd feed a stray animal - secretl,y behind the shed in your backyard. And then it gets bold. It sneaks into your house and makes a nest in your pantry. It hisses at you when you try to cook noodles.

My ice cream addiction is living in my pantry. And I want it out.

I've realized that running on the morning after a dairy binge is not fun. Neither is not fitting into my pants. I've even been cranking out extra miles these days to make up for all the nomming. Cringe.

Then I saw the above Lululemon ad in an issue of Runner's World, and it made me think. Should I really be running for ice cream? Aren't there better things to run for? Like records and medals... or charities.. or breast cancer?

If I really wanted to do something for ice cream, I'd start training for an ice cream marathon instead. (Record for 1 gallon, 9 oz vanilla: 12 minutes, Cookie Jarvis).

So my last exam is tomorrow. Then goodbye, ice cream animal. Please stop hissing at me.

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